Monday, September 14, 2009

Interesting One Liners...

Interesting One Liners...

  • Join the army, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.
  • Until I was 13, I thought my name was 'Shut Up.'
  • I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
  • Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.
  • I've never been drunk, but often I've been over served.
  • The road to success is always under construction.
  • I say no to drugs -- they just don't listen!
  • Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
  • Work is fine if it doesn't take up too much of your time.
  • When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  • Born free; Taxed to death.
  • Everyone has a photographic memory; some people just don't have film.
  • Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
  • Smile -- it makes people wonder what you're up to.
  • I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
  • A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
  • The hardest part of skating is the ice.
  • The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot; the guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
  • The trouble with being punctual is that there's no one there to appreciate it.
  • If our constitution allows us free speech, why are there phone bills?
  • If you tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, he'll believe you.
    But if you tell him a park bench has just been painted, he has to touch it to be sure.
  • Beat the 5 O'clock rush: leave work at noon!
  • If you can't convince them, confuse them.
  • It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.
  • I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  • Someday is not a day of the week.
  • When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half.

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