I would like to encourage young men and women to answer the following questions on their own before talking to their future mate about marriage. The purpose is to test their motives in choosing a life partner. These questions must be answered faithfully, honestly and sincerely, preferably using pen and paper.
1. How well do I understand my goals and aims in life?
2. What is my personality? What are my likes and dislikes, interests and experiences?
3. How well do I understand the nature of the marriage ?
4. How well do I understand what married life involves?
5. What is love? How well do I understand love?
6. What qualities should I look for in my life partner?
7. Do I really know the difference between 'love' and 'like'?
8. Do I love the whole person?
9. What is the life of my proposed partner like?
10. What are my real reasons for choosing this person?
11. Who influenced me to choose this person?
Young people today do not seem to know how to properly select a mate. A right choice of partner can be made with answers to the questions above. Most of the young people are led by wrong motives and reasons.
Watch out for wrong motives!
The following are some of the wrong motives and influences that affect young people in their choices of life partners.
1. Parental pressure: In our culture, parents often influence their children to get married even before they are ready - mentally, physically and financially.
2. Group pressures: Young men are pressurized by their friends to choose a life partner. He may be the youngest in the group and therefore is not ready for marriage. Group mentality or thinking is often misleading. One should enter into marriage as an individual who has carefully considered the choice he has made for a mate. Remember, the two will spend the rest of their lives together. You have to make the decision - not your friends.
3. Social position: There are people who think that marriage will place them in a better social position. They choose a mate, therefore, that will give them greater respect and honor in their community. This is a very wrong reason for marriage.
4. Immaturity: A lack of maturity often leads young people to make the wrong choice of life partners. Some young people make the mistake of thinking that marriage will bring them spirituality and maturity. They wrongly believe that once they are married all their problems will be solved.
5. Fears of loss: Sometimes, a young man is lead to make a hasty choice of life partner because he is afraid of losing a certain girl. Without much delay he may begin to regret his choice. Don't be pushed into making a decision before God's time.
6. Emotion: Another mistake that often leads young people to make a wrong choice is a ready rush of emotion. This happens when a young man happens to see a beautiful girl and quickly develops dreamy feelings for her, which are not based on true love.