Friday, January 2, 2009

Jokes .. :P

A woman and her husband interrupted their vacation to go to the dentist. "I want a tooth pulled, and I don't want Novocain because I'm in a big hurry," the woman said. "Just extract the tooth as quickly as possible, and we'll be on our way." The dentist was quite impressed. "You're certainly a courageous woman," he said. "Which tooth is it?" The woman turned to her husband and said, "Show him your tooth, dear."


An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" He answered, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."


A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest.The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?" "Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."


On Clinton's last trip to Hawaii, he went swimming at Waikiki Beach. He got caught in a riptide and was been pulled out to sea. Three young surfers swam out to him and brought him to shore. He wanted to reward them, and asked what they would like. The first said he wanted to be a fighter pilot, and Clinton said he would get him an appointment to the A.F. Academy. The second one said he wanted to command a submarine. "Fine, I'll get you into the Naval Academy." The third said he wanted to be buried at Arlington. Clinton looked puzzled and asked why such a young person was concerned about where he would be buried. "Because", said the surfer, "my father is a Vietnam Veteran, and when I go home and tell him I saved your life, he's going to kill me."


A well dressed lawyer went into a bar for a martini and found himself beside a scrungy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. The attorney leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring "Well, it looks like plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers,adding,"But it feels like rubber." Curious, the lawyer asked, "What do you have there mister?" The drunk stammered,"Damn if I know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber." The lawyer said,"Let me take a look." And the drunk handed it over. The attorney rolled it between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it anyway?" The drunk replied, "Outa my nose."


This message has been posted on HMGoogleGroup by: se7en