Thursday, December 18, 2008

Nuclear war between India and Pakistan [Humor]

During the Cold War, if USA launched a nuke-loaded missile, Soviet

Satellites would inform the Soviet army in 3 seconds and in less than 45

seconds Soviet counter-missiles would be on their way.

Recent studies commissioned by US department of Defense included one on

nuclear war between India and Pakistan :

This was the scenario................

The Pakistan army decides to launch a nuke-missile towards India. They

don't need any permission from their government, and promptly order the

countdowns.

Indian technology is highly advanced. In less than 8 seconds, Indian

army detects the Pak countdown and decides to launch a missile in

retribution.

But they need permission from the Government of India.

They submit their request to the Indian President. The President

forwards it to the Cabinet. The Prime Minister calls an emergency Lok

Sabha session.

The LS meets, but due to several walkouts and severe protests by the

opposition, it gets adjourned indefinitely.

The President asks for a quick decision.

In the mean time, the Pak missile failed to take off due to technical

failure. Their attempts for a re-launch are still on.

Just then the Indian ruling party is reduced to a minority because a

party that was giving outside support withdraws it. The President asks

the PM to prove his majority within a week.

As the ruling party fails to win the confidence vote, a caretaker

government is installed.

The caretaker PM decides to permit the armed forces to launch a nuclear

missile. But the Election Commission says that a caretaker government

cannot take such a decision because elections are at hand.

The Election Commission files Public Interest Litigation in the Supreme

Court alleging misuse of power.

The Supreme Court comes to the rescue of the PM, and says the acting!

PM is authorized to take this decision in view of the emergency facing

the nation.

Just then one of the Pak missiles successfully took off, but it fell

367 miles away from the target, on its own government building in

Islamabad at 11.00AM.

Fortunately there were no casualties as no employee had reached the

office that early. In any case, the nuclear core of the missile had

detached somewhere in flight.

The Pakistan army is now trying to get better technologies from China

and USA. The Indian Government, taking no chances, decides to launch a

nuclear missile of its own, after convening an all-party meeting. This

time all the parties agree.

Its three months since the army had sought permission. But as

preparations begin, "pro-humanity",

"anti-nuclear" activists come out against the Government's decision.

Human chains are formed and Rasta rokos organized.

In California and Washington endless e-mails are sent to Indians

condemning the government and mentioning "Please forward it to as many

Indians as possible".

On the Pakistan side, the missiles kept malfunctioning. Some missiles

deviate from target due to technical failures or high-speed wind blowing

over Rajasthan.

Many of them land in the Indian Ocean killing some fishes.

A missile (smuggled from USA) is pressed into service. Since the

Pakistan army is unable to understand its software, it hits it original

destination: Russia.

Russians successfully intercepts the missile and in retaliation

launches a nuclear missile towards Islamabad. The missile hits the

target and creates havoc.

Pakistan cries for help. India expresses deep regrets for what has

happened and sends in a million dollars worth of Parle-G biscuits.

Thus India never gets to launch the missile


This message has been posted on HMGoogleGroup by: Ashish Dubey
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