Friday, August 1, 2008

Joke Day

Value Added Chicken

Question: Why did the chicken cross the road?

Anderson Consulting: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

Driving Offense

The Policeman couldn't believe his eyes as he saw the woman drive past him, busily knitting. Quickly he pulled along the vehicle, wound down his window and shouted "Pull over!"

"No" she replied, "they're socks!"

You Know You've Booked a Cheap Flight When?

As you board the plane, you notice the co-pilot is frowning and wearing an "I'm with Stupid" T-Shirt.

The Captain announces over the intercom the Flight is delayed while he looks for his keys.

The Airline mechanics, wearing propeller beanies, seem to be pointing and laughing an awful lot, and drinking something from inside brown paper bags.

The Ground Crew are seen using pennies to check tyre wear

A man with an oily rag hanging from the back pocket of his dirty coveralls, and sadly shaking his head, turns out to be the airline's C.E.O.

A voice on P.A. system warns you to keep your heads and arms inside the aircraft at all times, while the plane is in motion.

Jumper Cables are dangling from the door to the cockpit.

A man in clerical garb walks thru the plane, sprinkles all the passengers with water, mumbling something in Latin & exits.

A telephone with a really long cord connects the plane to the control tower.

Golf Nut

A couple met at Hilton Head and fell in love. They were discussing how they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over. "It's only fair to warn you, Jody," Bill said, "I'm a golf nut. I live, eat, sleep and breathe golf."

"Well, since you're being honest, so will I." Jody said. "I'm a hooker."

"I see." he said. Then, brightening, he smiled. "It's probably because you're not keeping your wrists straight when you hit the ball."


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